You from Mighty Himalayas and I from valiant Deccan.
The debate in our pad on this continues and we have been on it for the last 25 years. When we got together a thought didn't cross my mind such differences do make any sense in our worlds. Were we blinded by some feelings, I guess so, nothing mattered then than getting together. My reticent mother had her apprehensions with the experiences she have had with her north Indian colleagues and she was adamant about not allowing such for me, so vehemently resisted our union for almost 2 years. Anyway, our persistence did win over and we started our journeys of discovering the Indias in us. The other aspects which we discovered together are also noteworthy. But this is more about the Valiant Mallus!
Not surprising each of us from each of the nooks of India has a version of it with us. I in my core am fully and truly a proud Malayali. Any debate about us being less or different, I can jump on and prove otherwise because I truly believe we are better, off the lot. But now which lot we can have another debate.
Starting off, because of the under-exposure the way we both expressed ourselves, was poles apart. You reflected that Punjabi boisterousness which was almost annoying. You can just meet up with a person, just greeting them politely and smiling too. You need not jump over the person and smother him to death. So there it began. The clash of north and south. My crash course to it came at my own wedding reception when I was pulled to jive with any random man around whom I had never met before, but called me “Bhabhi” by then. Till then had never danced in any wedding, so it starts now, now I can't think of a wedding without dancing for sure. Thanks to you all. In this, I have crossed over the Deccan for sure, because I realize it's good to move. Although the movements can be mistook as convulsions, but we move now, sometimes in mohiniyattom style and othertimes in convulsions or something similar to what you all do in my mind for sure.
Going back to the wedding reception I remember my parents getting hassled by their daughter being pulled by randoms in the name of dance. But now they know how you all are.
Now on to visits to hometown, people striking up conversations, you stand on a narrow road and catch up with someone in the town, they start the conversations with usual — when did u reach, how long are you here for …. after the initial pleasantries, then comes my favorite — “Aur phir “ in that typical Punjabi. Next long minutes can go on with this being repeated and you scramble your brain whether to tell him if you have dandruff , or back home left one of the bulbs on and is worried about mounting bills. Because they won't leave you till they do this “aur phirring” to their fill. Now on our Kerala visits, they give a nod and smile, acknowledge, and move on.
sample of how that mallu nod is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu7J1DejaPg thanks to Arjun from the Romancham movie it was immortalized.
Although by that nod they would have scanned you and would have fodder to talk on back with their folks. Did you see what she wore? Did you see how much weight she has put on her left limb? I think her complexion is becoming duller, didn't we tell her not to marry that man from that land with turbans? Why in the wildest dream isn't he wearing the turban though? So different perspectives you see. But interesting to observe these and somehow not spurt out smiling as if I have lost it.
For us food means, vegetables which we import from Tamil Nadu, but we load our staples, coconut grated, coconut oil, bananas small and big, raw and semi-raw and ripe, and of course rice, not the polished one, but the healthy brown ones. Coconuts are an acquired taste I agree, but now you know you are one of the aficionados of it, as you crossed over to Deccan and realized how good and simple food tastes like.
I do agree when you want to indulge it's the north Indian cuisine, with its chole batturas, paneer butter masala, chicken tandoori, and the choices of bread, where all sorts of things at home are stuffed in. Oh! We have this in excess at home, let us put in the rotis we are making seems to be the funda. And I was surprised to know that the definition of vegetables begins and ends with potatoes for you all. So the choice of side dishes can be either potato-bindi, potato-peas, potato-carrot, potato-shelgum, potato-paneer and many more. Other than the last combination, in everything else, the other vegetables are just there to appease someone's fancy. But paneer she is the star of the show always. Go to a buffer at a wedding, by the time I get to grab a plate and start serving, the paneer butter masala would have just the gravy. So that is her popularity. Off the shelves always.
The only topic Me the Mallu, He the Panju comes on the same level, is in matter of Patiala shots which is part of our celebrations or otherwise, whether we are celebrating a major win of one of ours or it is just putting up that leg after a long tiresome day. This is where our differences dissolve we agree to disagree.
In the initial times, I was not the right size to fit in, and nor was I appropriately dressed, there was no trail of sindoor covering most part of my forehead, nor a red lipstick smacked on my lips. So always I stood out and most might have considered me less provided for. My size also was mostly the point of discussion, as they didn't consider me “healthy”, jibing me for not feeding you enough and restricting the dollops of ghee with which the parathas are fried in.
The best was when in the initial days, they couldn't believe I was from the south, as I am more clear-skinned than they imagined a south Indian to be or the stereotype which Bollywood had been portraying south belles to be.
Anyways for me, it's an amazing discovery journey to see the idiosyncracies of our worlds and now ignore most of the jibes that come my way. The ones which I can't you anyways would know of it and you have been graceful enduring it too.
Not to forget the parallels with the famous Bollywood movie — 2 states starring very talented Aliya and Arjun.
