You are you.
A feeling of you are not you. Have you ever felt that? I have. It's a very unsettling feeling of something which is not right within you. This is what you know of yourself, no external inputs/comments on this matter. You are somewhere but you aren't there. Confusing isn't it? Yes, that is what sometimes I feel. A feeling that you are not supposed to be there or you don't want to be there. It could be that feeling of not being able to get out of bed every day, if possible. In my case, I had a teenager who needed to be tended to. You just get out to be available for the child. But in the core, you don't want to be there at all. But the funny part of all of these is that you don't know where would you like to be too. Isn't that a conundrum? Have lived multiple days like this and have gotten baffled some days as to the purpose of all of these. It did have a lot of purpose, and a lot of learnings to it too.
I wouldn't be able to conclude why such a state persisted in me and it does come visiting sometimes even now, but know methods to deal with it in a better way now. Some theories are there, but would be wise not to write on them as they are half-baked ones.
I realized that it would be better to disappear within myself and find my way out of it. Rather than blaming others for the same or showing this face to someone and troubling them, because most of us are not kind to this avatar of anybody.
