Whom am I staring at?

During my first two decades of life, I was undeniably staring at books, as I was told that was the only way to be.

Whom did I start staring at almost 20 years ago, mostly only screens as I was clear I wanted to make something of it. Wide-eyed and just after college, I wanted to be the freshly minted Silicon Valley engineer. I didn’t know where else to stare at and what are the options. Completely entralled by making some sense out of code was the vibe then.

Cut to 5 years later, started staring at a man, which was a refreshing change. Together, we stared at some stuff that was more than screens. I was mesmerised by the options available. But a tingling or rather nigling sting always bothered me. Am I staring at the screen enough? Always felt insufficient in the effort put in for work and making something of the career. The time spent was inadequate, and no one at work validated that. Managers who were around always made us feel insufficient and underworked if we used to leave work late hours. A Korean work-life encounter was even worse. The manager used to sit between us just to see what was on our screen, so we had no choice but to stare at the screen.

As a mother, I was presented with a beautiful face to stare at, but the confusion of how much to stare at on screen and how much on him persisted. I took many breaks from work to be with him, which were…