What I Wanted to say
I had not said what I wanted to say as well as I wished. I am startled as to how I am able to say it now. — Ayn Rand in We the Living
What brought in change, Some realizations I guess. I am not responsible of how others feel and act, it is their world one of them being this. I totally cannot control how another person thinks, you can just ask if there are any thoughts and if they don't share, we can just leave it at it. The best of them of all is — I don't need to be good all the time, I can be nasty, gritty, and bitchy too. This doesn't make me a bad person. This is one of the hugest of them all.
Growing up, the thought was that I am to be that person who does not create a flutter, so be that one who is always below the radar. So the thinking was this makes you least targeted, thus you can get done with your minimum tasks and have not much thinking to it and be safe.
This under-the-radar op, does make you a safeguarded person, but the opportunities lost in the expression of a thought which was important to you or an expression that showed the real feeling which might annoy or create discomfort in the next person is huge. By doing so what you are denying is yourself a chance to make a choice, which would mostly be made for you. This creates resentment and dissatisfaction in the long term, which sometimes cannot be zeroed in on one thing, but would pervade life as a whole.
There is a physcology which works with kids, I realise repeatedly tell them what you want from them, they would emulate it. Say you want them to behave a certain way, You reiterate and they replicate. Sadly at that age you want to please.
