Was it hypothetical or phylosophical?

I had a conversation very unnatural when I think back with my dad. Rarely throughout his life, we have had conversations sitting down and expressing ourselves. Neither he nor me found it essential nor comfortable. Mostly we never expressed is what I now realize with eachother. Somehow he knew what I needed and sometimes I knew what he wants, or other loved ones especially Mom around took care to keep things moving among us.

On that day, when I saw him, lying on the bed and in pain. A brief conversation ensued when we were alone. A force in me told me, to ask him if he was ready to leave, maybe the suffering I knew was extreme and I wanted him out of it. He winced as usual unknowingly with pain and somehow made a sound which said he isnt convinced enough. To which at that time, my response was — It is ok to leave if you are suffering, please let go. He did a hmmm and went back to touching his paining tummy.

I still cannot figure out why were we having this conversation at that point or were we storing all our energy all these years to express very clearly at this point.

He left us shortly after.