Subtexts we don’t say
Able to communicate the precise observation, the actual feeling, that we can make real progress.
But it’s hard — it’s so hard — because we’re not taught how to ask hard questions of ourselves and others. We believe that social reality is more important than individual reality.
We often shy away from saying the real stuff. Why would we do it?
We do this mostly because we think the other party does not want to hear it or isn’t mature enough to handle the truth. This could not be the reality, either, but at that moment, we don’t express it with this assumption.
Another observation is that most of us are not equipped to express it then, either because of a loss of words or overwhelmed with emotions like rage, love, pity, or even self-doubt. Most of us don’t know how to express feelings, and we don’t often express them. Most of us can’t say we feel lustful, isn’t it? We bring moral responsibilities, the fear of being judged, and image maintenance into this. The emotions often not expressed are also tricky for the other party to deal with. They might struggle to show the appalling or amusement or even disregard, as the situation is as most times all of the above closes the door for further elaboration of the feeling expressed. However, an interest in exploring it is not often the response that is received for this subtextual expression, as we can call it.
These subtexts, which are lost, are very primal, as I can see from what we feel. If not expressed, it can get lodged here and there and then be represented in other ways, like resentment or lost expression that never gets communicated but lingers in everything that is expressed later. You would know what I am talking about an underlying tension that exists, which both the parties know of but can’t pinpoint what it is and would never be able to as well because by then, the layers on it are multiple and can’t express which to be addressed.
Yes, these subtexts aren’t comfortable, but this is the best part of communication.
