Sturmfrei — the freedom of being alone

A German word that translates into storm free. Although the word refers to the freedom of not being watched over or restricted, it means to be alone and able to do exactly as you wish. Being alone and not lonely is an art that needs practice.

In one of the such practice sessions more than a year before, I ventured to Varanasi on a photography trip. I reached on an auspicious day, and the whole world seemed to congregate there. Already congested streets were jam-packed. My flight mode was on then, but I pulled through, checked in, and tried to figure it out later. I roamed to taste the local food and took a few photo sessions. My full flight mode was still on and off. The whole mood after the crowd retreated wasn’t something I enjoyed. The pyres and ash-clad sadhus with that stern look sitting on the streets weren’t as fascinating as I presumed them to be. I returned the very evening and flew back home to be with my family. I realized I was feeling lonely in that crowd.

After that, a lot of work went into understanding how to be okay with myself. I knew from specific small stretches that I enjoyed being alone, as it allowed me to contemplate, write, read, and even scroll without being interrupted or judged. So, I wanted to get back to enjoying doing that rather than being dependent on someone else to fill my time. I had days after the Varanasi travel when I wasn’t sure what I was getting up for, so I used to laze in bed for endless hours. As I indicated, much work was put into making myself understand otherwise.