Our morsels and Us
We have a beautiful connection with food. It's a “feel” as they say. Yes, food is a comfort to which we flock back, whether it is the favorite restaurant or the simpleness of home food, more specifically moms' food.
For me, food is a beacon by which I navigate life. By habit, the next meal assurance is very important for me to accomplish the tasks between meals. The specificity and the uniqueness of the forthcoming meal might even be a booster to do in-between tasks with fervor. When there is uncertainty about the next meal either of timeliness or kind of it, might create an underlying pressure to make it certain.
So food is the North Star by which I navigate. Chaya and Pazhampori (banana fritters for starters and all courses)
Food seems to have a specific relation with women. Most cultures consider women the providers of it. If the lady isn't around either pottering about or arranging for it, the other folks in the house might make do with nothing or sometimes something just to satisfy the hunger and then snigger about as well. This appoints her to be one of the important posts in a family structure, by default. Some of us take this position in gusto, and assume it to be the purpose of life, foraging, arranging, and making things happen at any cost. Some of us outsource it to a hired talent and thus assume more of a managerial position in this hierarchy. A manager sometimes doesn't know the intricacies of the task and thus does not appreciate the efforts and demands a lot or otherwise. This outsourcing model can be fully outsourced to an external agency, thus it becomes very convenient. In all of these, the end result is achieved, food on the table. But there could be questions on the quality, guilt of not doing or providing on your own, which somehow is assumed to be your task, and much more. As I said food is a sentiment and we mix it with many other feelings at our convenience, like care, love, protection, and much more.
When food isn't made at home then it's presumed to be unhealthy and less provided for. And those pointers come to women as the incapability of the self-appointed provider.
Food on the table isn't enough, in some families how it is served is another important factor. You just don't serve yourself, but you are supposed to be served. Once more this task is on the woman, which is part of the service agreement that she was embedded with when the factory made her. Could be! Some make us feel so.
This sometimes means she eats after everyone is satisfied and mostly by then she is just shoving the food in, just to appease her hunger. Do we really realize these. Or do most of us conveniently ignore such conditions for our convenience? The self-preservatory nature of humans allows us to concentrate on our plate rather than seeing such aspects. Not to mention sometimes how we like to be a chef-show-critique analyzing the plating to the ingredients when you haven't picked up a ladle for quite a while.
Now coming to eating out. Can a woman eat out alone? Most of us haven't done it. It isn't considered normal. To add to that the glances which come our way when you do it, does not make it a good experience. Often if you walk to a restaurant alone, it's considered as an indication for someone to make advances, thanks to the movies where picking up from a bar is a norm. We could be enjoying our company and more importantly having a conversation with our dear food, without there a need to satisfy someone, listening to some mansplaining or even a criticism as to how it could have had a particular spice. More importantly may smother some big morsels and drip and spill all over. That's the childlike company that some of us crave, the most nonjudgemental and giving companion anyone can have on our platter.
Now the most important relationship we have is with our food. Whether shoven or enjoyed, because of social conditioning of being in a particular size and shape, we tend to make food an enemy rather than an ally. The guilt trip we hop on when an excess morsel is eaten and salivating on something that is calling you with its arms open, but ignoring that eternal love. These become part of our being more because of set norms of society. The teenage girl has to be reed thin, so should be a marriageable girl in her 20s, In her 30s you are walking a tightrope between being a bit more plumper than before but not significantly so for people to comment on. In the 40s you are significantly plump and most of us are in denial and working really hard to keep it under check, even the thoughts of food that is. By now people notice that attribute of you the most and reminisce about that younger version of you more than you, and greet you with “Haven't you become fat?”. I am yet to experience 50s and more. I would like to have better body respect and the capability to ignore those food judgments that come my way. I vehemently detest anyone commenting on my food and better be aware of the consequences of it. Would like to enjoy it as you all might be enjoying watching a match, which for me is pointless.
Moreover hope to see changes in how society perceives female bodies, which are celebrated for their aesthetics and not for their functionality and strength.
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