My tasks
Fears…. Yes what are they?
Is it the fear of lizards who are slithering around which we are talking about, no, I guess. If Mr. Jung has mentioned then definitely not, that too for sure.
Fears range from some very internal, which is within us and then with others or situations, external, as I call it. All my way of categorising it I guess.
Internal ones, are more tumultuous than external, or are both of them equally tiresome to deal with?
Let’s first go external way, that’s how we are isn’t it? We fix everything outside before we go within. Ironically it should be the other way around, but whom are we to be told.
Fears could be losing a loved one to death or to some circumstances, or it could be losing the means of life and many more. In these cases, what could be my task or my work to overcome or deal with them. All times I understand it cannot be overcome, they say, you need to work around them.
Amused I am, as I cannot stop a person from leaving or cutting his or her relationship with me. I can be “yes-miss” to all of his or her fancies and whims or could be myself and let it be. So It’s a fine balance between losing yourself and gaining a relationship.
Most times we fight to be in it, but need to let go of certain people if they want to leave or if you think you cannot be good enough for them.
As mentioned, the means to life, this in my experience, keep changing, and we get anxiety as to the thought “ What would happen if it’s not this or that”. As far as we keep faith in ourselves to survive any, we should be OK. But easier said than done, most times when conditions change we despair, we feel its end of everything, as dramatic as it can be.
There are many more external factors, which for instance not coming to me now, that means it could be less significant as of now.
Loosing someone to death, what’s my task there, as far as possible do things to keep them in good health and humour, could be one. Otherwise, this time limit isn’t in our hands.
Now, I am coming to a huger chunk of fears, the internal ones. Most of them we even don’t want to acknowledge and even express and take help. These are the ones that, in some cases, do not even see the light of day, but they create pressure in those parts of us, which can be really dark.
Like I have fear of being inside water, somehow did overcome somebof that fear by learning swimming. Conditions apply, the water body needs to be in my chest height. So at anytime I have my legitimate chance to put my head out while swimming, ha you know then what kind of swimming that is. I’m still working at it, dreams of swimming with some fishes someday deep down in a ocean is there. But how would I breathe? My breath is stuck thinking about it. So you see, there is deep seated fear, which has set in some time, and my work is overcoming that is ongoing but slow. In 45 year’s, I swam in a pool, which my dad had struggled teaching me in early teens and given up. So by 80, fishes I would be one of you.
Then, the fear of being expressive of disinterest/dismay in situations. Maybe since I am coming from the land of Kathakali, I guess, what’s in mind is stark on face. No training has helped yet.. but at it. Why is it a fear? You might ask, you are that liberated alpha woman. You shouldn’t be bothered, right? I ain’t bothered. Folks around can’t take this transparency, so slow doses than being very straightforward of it.
Still, there are certain emotions that just don’t come out, I actually fear them as I wouldn’t know how to deal with them and how it would be for others to see me having them. So such things aren’t yet named, and my task here would be humongous. Like fear of just being self can be indimidating, with all the years of conditioning and self talk which we all do. So, as Mister Carl said that’s where it is!
