Have you “figured” that out?
What’s your purpose?
Growing up years and adult life we have been asked this question
“What do you want to do?”
Or even
“What is your five year plan?” In a more professional setting.
Ofcourse when young we get by saying astronaut or barber and garners a few awwwws.
When you are late, teens is when this question becomes a bit edgy, as it can be taunt to a youngster who hasn’t figured out what his course of study after the formal school education.
Even in a professional interview setting, this is asked to see if the person has thought about his growth and thus can be evaluated to be a worthy employee too.
So here in both cases, there are expectations and certain values of being an achiever being emphasised. Not always, you are clear on your career path, and those years are the most treacherous not because of this confusion but because of societal pressure to be “figured” out.
As the age goes by and may be in later 30s or 40s, a question of “the purpose” does pop up and mostly not comprehended and thus becomes a burning corner in mind.
Does this question bother you at all?
Yes, it did for me.
I was troubled by the fact that I wasn’t part of a greater purpose, may be a fight against something worthwhile or being part of a great organisation that did changes that mattered.
Some days even felt very futile of whatever was done till now, all the achievements till now big or small became very futile in front of that greater purpose, which I didn’t know even.
On hindsight, I can see it with semblance, but when that question hit me, I felt like a headless chicken most of the times, nothing gave any satisfaction, not even travels, food or movements.
In my multiple sessions with my therapist, this question was posed, and she always used to direct me to something very trivial, which I thought even a teenager had figured out. Irony being I hadn’t! How can (with all the ego I have ) this be “my” purpose. It needs to be huge and bombastic, even more likely to be better than theirs and unique too.
I struggled with accepting it or even acknowledging it.
The result being deep melancholy and social isolation.
How can I freely roam around without purpose? How do I operate without knowing it. Its better to stay in bed and while away time than do whatever I was doing as anyways its not purposeful.
Here conditioning comes into play. You are taught to have an end result for all activities. So sitting and staring at a pond and observing nature, what could be its essential result? So we don’t indulge in pointless conversations, pursuits, and such. Other days, I tried to fill the days with a lot of activities so that you are kind of numb to itching thought of purpose and its side effects.
But this struggle to resist and not see it eye to eye isn’t something which would work.
Once seen may be we accept that simple thing which us presented to you and make big things ( your big things not in comparison to others) out of that. I can see that with my simple concept of purpose happening. May be its mine to pursue otherwise can find another.
