Jolt and realignment
A jolt came my way by losing one of my closest links to my identity — my father. In the initial days couldn't gather what it is actually meant to be for a middle-aged adult, in the practical sense you have a life of your own away from your parents. My set of parents had been independent and living on their own. Our involvement with them was mainly over the holidays for enjoyment and relaxation. Never have they wanted to be dependent, my pop being the man that he was never liked to burden anyone ever. We lost him in a day's time, although he battled his journey through a terminal illness with able assistance from our mom with minimal assistance from us, was actually not something that settled in us with ease. As we thought his usual was to brave it all, which he has done in many difficult circumstances in his career. He had braved the illness also for almost 7 years, but as on the last day doctors say, he did his best now we can't help much.
Some alignment followed after those days.
His references do come up, it might be troubling his loving partner. It might trouble her and we are being insensitive to it. Which needs control those.
Each one of us has a different journey of healing from the loss, as of now it feels as though there is no healing from such losses, it pesters.
A lot of people turned up and spent time with us. But the people some of whom I considered friends and family didn't even reach out. There were instances when I reached out to them for something else, and they showed their condolences then, felt as though I was fielding for it. It could be so that they genuinely don't know how to converse in such situations, but a note to show you are around can be done by anyone, many young ones did that for me, so it's possible. The major realignment done here is to purge those from being considered as close.
Put your papers in place, my dad was a man of organization and he did it so well, that we didn't have to go around looking for anything to settle things for Mom. He even started purging stuff from his almirah and had minimal stuff by the time he was ready to go. Maybe by some inferences from his actions in the last days, he was ready to go, but the illness and the inability that it gave him made him give up.
