Is it me, Really?

I am told, by experts that at one point body rejects thoughts. She is intelligent or a tyrant to the effect that she is, she just wants you to listen to her and abide by what she wants….. Just be.

I might be still polishing my thoughts on this subject, would I ever be able to authentically speak about the mind-body-spirit connection! I don’t think so. But my journey in the last some years had been revealing to the effect that I sway between “ Is it me?” “ Can I have such thoughts?” “ I am tired “ “ I have done so much damage how do I repair” “where do I start” “ Why the f* anybody told me I am doing it all wrong” “ why was I not ready to listen to myself” “Hope I didn’t do much damage to my loved ones, especially to my son” (Sonny if you have to deal with some tough ones please forgive me, rest assured I wouldn’t judge you, and I might be able to reflect and mirror with you and that could help) “ Why the hell did I shove my emotions in deep crevices of myself that it actually hurts me now, or was it hurting then too” “ Why was I masking up” “Which mask to throw away or all of it has to go away”
“ why I am finding it difficult to see my true self” “ why am I feeling jealous” “ Why am I incapacitated by my mind and its thoughts” “Isn’t mind supposedly the most beautiful stuff, why is mine in war with me”

This journey is revealing, I just started I know. I barely can accept this version of me, I still run away from my true self. Took a long time to understand this is me and that is also me! I was told that wasn’t me, I just can shrug that me off me. Noooooo I have come to tell me, how can you just ignore me. haha …. So it’s all me … All of it … everything of it. Still, I have trouble accepting myself!

Anyhow after a lot of professional help, I have come to understand accept and moving on is the best way ever for me to know myself and not be in the war with myself.

I am far removed from the war that is happening, in Afghanistan, Yemen, or Mexico, or anything that is happening in the neighbourhood, with no empathy left for anything.