Focus on things to change
There is a saying that
Yes, focus on things you can change and let go of things you can’t. I am trying to apply this to my inner environment. Tricky actually! I was told from the beginning to focus on the good always. Yes, valid advice, but a bit misplaced when you apply it in some of the situations.
Delving a bit more, in some of the early years, by early I am referring to the 20s and 30s when despair was setting in, the unmoored feeling was all prevalent, I was told by my advisors that just shove it under the carpet. That's the best they knew. My carpet just didn't like what I shoved and ejected it back to where it came from. Ever prevalent in my dear self. Then the next set of advice was applied, try yoga. Why not loved the experience, the body toned up, never looked at applying it beyond that or was not wise enough. But should say it gave a relief for some time. Still looking for that potion to switch to the happier self. The next one which was applied was Meditation, if this potion is applied without actually understanding what the inner landscape is then its a big rabbit hole. You would be scared to do it, as what you are seeing is something which you already had been running away from, so when you close your eyes and see a small tip of it, you would tend to retreat with great aversion. You are not akin to that self of yours. So when you see that, you are actually not attracted to that potion to be done to get happier.
In my journey, I had tried multiple times different methods of meditation. From just observing your breath, which in itself is a task, when there are at least a hundred thoughts that are pulling you from different directions. To mantra meditation, to Sudarshan Kriya to Isha Kriya meditations. What came as a late realization is that if you haven't focussed on things that are parading on your mind and given it enough time to present their case and make you identify with it, they would pop up a gazillion times, till you really fathom what it wants to tell you. I wouldn't go to the extent that it wants to teach you, but that is the reality of them. So these things are your reality and they cannot be changed, but that does not mean you can ignore them. I ignored them for decades and in my 4th decade they all dumped on me like a hurricane and in that whirlwind, I even felt that I am not fit to be here. Although these are things you can't change, as they are by-products of your early years and experiences and how you have reacted to them and imbibed them, you need to acknowledge them at one point for them to coexist with you and be present. The best way I found was to seek help from professionals who are trained to look at these with perspective sometimes against the norm for my own good. So sometimes this toxic positivity is not something that helps everyone.
