Enticed and How
Is there a looking jar or a microscope or a thought bubble-detecting App through which I could look and see those thoughts in you? I would like to do that before I start liking you or even indulging in you too.
Ankur Warikoo’s famous quotes —
We know others through their actions.
We know ourselves through our thoughts.
That’s why we think we are right — because we know why we are doing something. We don’t know the same for others. Ankur Warikoo
When we get acquainted by an individual it's always the actions that we see and most of us have this tendency to put the best in front. The first impression has to be the best impression is the popular belief.
I would like to look beyond this. Are we able to make an impression in a sustained manner or are you able the behave the same all through the later interactions? This seems important to me. Not necessarily asking to be your best self always for others, by beating yourself up inside. We tend to do that right! wearing a mask of wellness in front of others when a big pain is troubling us in the background. By pain here, I reiterate is emotional one, we are sure to show the physical one and bail out of the social interaction swiftly. But that may not be the case when there is trouble inside. I often wonder what does it take to urge people to be real with you. What should I do to reflect that from them?
All of these from some sour experiences, which sometimes have reinforced the belief that I attract a set of people who do not want to be connected well. Slipping into a friendship becomes quite difficult once you are at a mature age people muse. This applies to any age as well, I feel. Maybe when young you have time and energy to experiment, so you tend to keep your circle huge and interact with them all. At mature ages, you don't allocate that kind of time or energy to make relationships and sustain them and maybe concentrate on a relationship that is mostly romantic, with the hope that it would be all in all. Which is also a huge mistake. Putting your egg in a single basket and regretting later.
Coming to the nature of relationships people tend to foster. The first type being, I am not in constant contact with you, but I know you exist and I care for you deeply. Which you could detect from very few interactions that you would have. You would be deeply interested in what they feel about certain stuff and what they are interested in and it would be reciprocated as well. And there are very less expectations in this equation.
Then there are transactional ones. These are deeply regretted ones and if I have had that thought finder app that I was talking about I would fully avoid them. The initial rush is always huge in such ones, maybe I am detecting a pattern here. Good learning for future ones. There is a rush to know more, and there is no slowness in understanding, and in some of these cases, you tend to do a lot for each other in these initial times. Is it to create the first impression that we are talking about? But this frenzy can never last as we know it. Then it slips into a blame game swiftly of not meeting the expectations and in modern terms “ghosting” them all together. If ghosted I am ok with it too, but with a feeling you tend to grapple is self-doubt and pondering of what could you have done to sustain it.
The most dangerous ones in the category of these initial rush ones are which yo-yo after that. In and out the person's prances in your life, you tend to wonder what is up. Sometimes cold and other times feverishly hot is the interaction scale. Totally avoidable and not at all reciprocal at least in my case. I am not that crazy person who can bust those thought bubbles in others' heads when I haven't yet figured out what arises in me. But such interactions tend to leave a lot of bad impressions in you and of course impact on others in the equation for sure.
There is another category where you are liked only when you are in the best of your moods, in your bad phase, they tend to ignore you and distance you. Could be because they really don't know how to be interacting with an emotionally disturbed person, it's a genuine inability. Or it could be that, they are perennial party people, and I hope their party continues always.
When in a situation you can show your vulnerabilities and can still be equal in the relationship, is the best to have. When I say equal, it is to be emphasized. Most of the time when we show our vulnerabilities, the other party is around or can't escape from the situation and have to be around, takes the role of the protector, and tries solving your problem. This brings imbalance to the relationship of equals. The person who has opened up feels like a pity seeker and might leave the solving of the problem to the other party, which isn't ideal for most. Never a solution or adaptation to a situation is complete without the party involved being in sync with it. It would always be the other person's solution and can create blame games in the later stage. So a listening ear is the best to have for reflection.
Some patterns are drawn, but can that guarantee that you won't make a connection that isn't long-lasting or one which is pleasant when it has lasted? No guarantees, as Warikoo's quotes say… I really can't find what are their thoughts, I just can control my action which would be intentional always.
