Empty Nest Series — 19— How did you survive?

I often wonder how did you survive? I can only talk of myself, excluding your dad from this all. For the first almost 11 years of my life, you were like an attachment to me. Did I want this attachment, actually not. Was I ready to be a parent, actually wasn't mature enough to understand the depth of it all. How is it that being a parent contributes to adding a little mayhem into the world, was a late realization. You were already around by then, walking about. How we actually go with the flow and conditioning we grow with most of the things in the early part of life. I didn't think there was an option for me not to bring an offspring at that time or get ready for it and opt for it wasnt given a thought. Actually initial years of yours I depended heavily on my parents to raise you. Anything happens there was a phone call away, just to assure me it's normal for kids to throw up or poop uncontrollably or even take a train to be with you whenever needed.

There were some things that might have impacted which I wanted to confide here so that you can work on them early on and don't say I didn't warn you!

I have dropped you when you were an infant. I was sleep-deprived and adamant about going by the brightest books on parenting to feed you always sitting in a chair, even if it is the middle of the night. Did I defend myself enough? But a lesson was learned when I heard you crying lying on the floor and I saw no one on my lap. You cannot be a perfect parent, you need to do in this. From then on, I just decided to feed you in bed in the night and change sides for you when need be. Here also there was a risk, I could have picked you from one side to the next, but that side need not be the bed. For that logistics could be arranged. At least not picking you and more importantly myself from bed and moving to a seat to be a holy grail mother who does everything right and gravely faulting on it. So if you have some eccentricities because of that fall, I am giving you my defenses.

Hope because of these revelations, I won't get in trouble with the law or something.

I have burnt you. Sorry, yes I was cooking and as clingy as you can get, you wanted to be picked up. So as careless as I can be while moving around you touched the side of the wok. Your skin just plopped up like a small bubble, still thought comes to me and gives me shudders. Yes, that burnt mark was there till you were a teenager, I can't see it now. It was on the left leg, near to shin, Check it isn't there right! But the shriek you gave was heartbreaking and by going by the good books of parenting, multitasking wouldn't work the best. Did I learn it then, not until later after multiple bloopers?

I have zipped you up, on your chest, not that obvious place where you thought. That would have been terrible. I would have gained the wrath of your partners and children if you intend to have some. Now I am gonna go on tirage of my defenses for this act of mine, you were hurrying up to go to the park, so you had to be zipped up to protect from the nip in the air on the chest. I zipped you up, and your tender chest skin got in between, it just decided to, what could I do? Being not rushed could have helped, but a scattered mind at work when pulled in different directions can do such things.

So these are highlights which you might wanna note for you to work on. Hope other contributions that we have made to you might sometimes outweigh this, hope so!