Empathy Backfired

I thought my empathy made me strong. I saw myself as someone who listened, who understood, who made space for others.

Empathy, unchecked, causes problems. I learned this when my good intentions backfired.

Resentment grew, feeling of being unheard, but only overburdened by the listening persists. Just as the empathy receivers, you need the same too, I realise. Noone are super humans to give it all, but not to expect it at all. Everyone of us need to be listened to, understood and grown with or even dismissed and challenged. The knot in the stomach says that are you being taken a ride of, or not valued enough.

It becomes a survival tactic to pour more into some relationships, just to be with someone. It isn't sustainable to be so in long term. The fear was “what-if I am left alone”, a ever looming question of being alone.

If every word spoken has to be weighed and and if there is a need to see over the shoulder every time. Then the question is it really worth it?

The realization is empathy alone isn’t enough. Ideally there need to be pairing of understanding with action. Without clear boundaries and accountability, empathy risks becoming an empty gesture. Or something which you pour into a bottom less well.