EGO — As I know it
The first-person perspective distinguishes selfhood from personal identity. — the definition from Wikipedia.
Yes, isn't it too difficult to comprehend and I had been meddling with understanding it. The obsession with it started only because I was told by a loved one that I have a huge ego. Till then I was unaware of it existing in me or with others. Never had I comprehended that a person's behavior is influenced by self-worth. One of those alien concepts which you have not pondered on. But when told and discussed in close quarters, although you would deny it at the first go, you would tend to consider it in the repeated references of you having it. As told it is hampering me as a person and of course, the people interacting with you are having a tough time putting across things to you.
But by definition, all of us are supposed to have it in the right amount and I realize there is a very thin line between tipping over to the other extreme. So what is the right amount of it? As I know always had this struggle with self-confidence which is connected with ego in the right amount. Questioning the self multiple times and not propelling to action because you don't have the confidence to do it, had been compulsive. Maybe this pondering could help to find the right amount.
Lemme talk about the wrong amount of scenarios because those are pivotal for understanding it. Haven't you heard people mentioning, “Oh she is on an ego ride”, “Oh that's just male ego speaking” Is it the feeling of being full of self, which we are speaking of? Or is it that feeling that you feel you are invincible and you are right and the whole world is wrong on that matter and much more subjects connected with… Now you are riding on it, and you feel you are the seat of wisdom for a whole plethora of things. Have had instances when have felt so, it takes quite a big jolt to knock you out of that carpet that you are riding on. When on that ride, I actually filled myself with a lot of not-so-pleasant feelings and thus resulting in bad relationships and not the best outcomes from situations. I am sure it would have had a long-lasting effect on my body, and some good parts of mine would have died because of this ride. Not to mention some lovely people who would have had to put up with that and move on or stayed on. Thanks for that.
Some of the things which have helped in working with my ego and feeding my soul better are — Taking responsibility in a situation contrary to doing a blame game. Or Wanting success for others as much as you. Thinking that there is always enough to get things done than lack of it, which is the first thought which occurs. Complimenting on things that did occur to you before, but it never slipped out of the mouth. Now an effort is made to put it out, but still awkwardly. Being grateful for small things and big. Huge work is still pending on this aspect and never would it get over! Can we think of ourselves as temporary, that would be the ultimate for the soul, a huge bust for the ego too. But a tough bet though. And looking at things as lessons than as mistakes or pitfalls in the journey.
And can I claim to have decoded my ego? No way, as I always think of it, certain things we have created for ourselves and within ourselves for years, so just by rattling out a compliment, all that wouldn't melt away! It needs time and energy and loads of work to bring it to zero or even near zero, which is always a good aim to have. And they say it, unless it is not running your life, it is good to have it.
