Date Self
Can I date myself?
Weirdly YES is what experts say. But I used to run away from myself always. I couldn't think of spending time with myself. The self-used to weird me out. I couldn't stand the train of thought especially, I was ok with my other aspects I guess. To distract me from myself, weirdly so, I used to constantly engage myself in activities, which were considered productive endeavors, like say chores at home, just getting out of the house to indulge in shopping, or just browsing the web. I ain't saying that all these activities were always distractions. There are times when you do them, just to fill your time and not to hear what is happening inside. I can distinctly find a difference when I am doing it and when I am using them just as a distraction. End of the day once you have indulged in distraction, it is exhausting, majorly because the mind is on double shift, one the trail of thought which I was running away from and then the work it has to put in for the distraction. And from my experience running away from thoughts is quite exhausting as somehow my mind has become expert in ways to do a peekaboo and make its presence felt every other minute.
Have had brief encounters with dating self should say, a meal by myself at a restaurant when the initial minutes are quite weird as there are many apprehensions that pop up. Once these are hushed, it is actually a pleasurable activity, which sometimes introduced me to cuisines which sometimes as a family all of us may not enjoy and you can indulge in a way which you please when you are alone. Maybe an extra dose of ice cream or a butter naan gets ordered and sometimes some crumbs of them goes waste as well. But it's all well deserved. Such endeavors are short and sweet ones.
When you want to indulge longer, then it could be a trip on your own. In this, you discover yourself much more. I have had instances when I slept the whole day, without a iota of guilt in one of such Rishikesh trips. I was surprised as my usual routine is to sleep just sufficiently and not sleep during the day at all. Or not washing up for a whole day could be one such indulgence.
Search on the web there are a plethora of suggestions to take yourself out on a date. There could be small things that can give that complete alone time, just being with yourself and ready to listen to what is happening inside. Sometimes there are very scary thoughts that pop up, which can as dilapidating that you just want to escape from them or howl your heart out. But these would pop up anyhow unless I give their due attention and let it pass, which is what the learning had been. So as well gather the courage to face it with the most care I can is what I am taught.
