Can we fully endorse another?
I fail at it most of the time. I cannot fully be present for another person most of the time, there could be some of mine going on in the background. So eyes, facial expressions, and ears could be with the other but one big portion of my mind is engaged in something of mine. It could be as trivial as I am thirsty or mostly hungry. What this does is that invariably the other person would know that you are not involved, so it's a great disservice to the moments spent by both parties and more importantly, that person could have been better off without me.
Another observation is that most of us in a very slight way are happy someone failed in some task. As simple as packing something for a trip, when the need comes, confusion ensues and the blame game starts. The inconvenience of doing something fully equipped rather than adjusting can create a negative moment. But we make it a point to make a gesture, a comment to make that lack all the more evident. This somehow comes from a place of certain comfort we get by putting another person down in small ways. Which eventually adds up.
Not being a patriarchal fighter, such experiences are majorly for women. On the work front, she needs to put in all the effort and create a work product that is fault-proof. If not the daggers that come her way are generally harsher and by design most of us don't get defensive but offensive. When I say defensive, not to say the suggestions weren't acceptable, but to change the focus to good things that have already happened and to weigh if the faulty stuff is such a big downer or if it is just an improvement that could be incorporated next time around. Offense too is taken with the concoction of guilt and self-blame. So this also is not a growth enhancer anyway.
At home fronts when you are with family, it is assumed that women would take care of most of the stuff. You need to really be in a bad breakdown or health issue to be relinquished of these special privileges. Do we enjoy this, not exactly, we would also love to not do stuff and do stuff when we want to and not when the world wants it. Most of us train ourselves to shut that selfish demon down who is fighting inside to blurt out our needs and take a break sometimes from the grind. This selfish demon is a good demon to have, it takes care of me. Actually, we would be guilty to have her around and others would be nasty to her as it just doesn't get their way around if she is in play. It would be best to display her on the sleeve as early in life, so she is more accepted by you and others.
Full endorsement is when this demon need not be at play at all. For that, you could develop a very rubbery skin and not be affected by anything and anyone at all. This is not practical most of the time, as we are all humans with some sentiments and feelings, so to be fully endorsed and be at your A game is not only your inner work, but there is a lot of encouragement, endorsements, or silent approvals which need to come our way. Now the gurus would say don't look for external validation, as I said being a human who walks and talks in normal situations with all the more normal humans around, it's essential to be endorsed by those connections with which you interact. So endorse us, we anyways do that in loads, let it be a give and take.
