Bonuses of our story
Have experianced different levels of dependencies — codependency, inter, emotional or external. Not to get to specifics, different phases of life as per the internal dynamics(the mind I mean), associated with people around me in different levels and degrees.
When I was highly reliant on a loved one, it was a weird feeling of something amiss, as I needed validation and decisions from him almost everytime. I knew it was a huge burden on him. This did create rifts and tiredness in him sometimes, othertimes we both operated from a place of understanding that it is just a phase and the needed support now given can be of|great benefit. So that to me was codependency.
Emotionally when totally dependent on someone, that can also be stifling, as that person has a story of his/hers own and so you might turn out to be a reflection of it. Have had phases that way too, but more of being in it, realizing it and snapping out of it. This process was faster I guess.
External dependency for finances or social interaction, oh ya, this in my case needed a lot of work to disassociate my financial goals from others around me. But in the case of social interaction, always wasnt clear what level of social commitments should I be in, as it took time to understand replenishing myself was essential before going social. This “me time” duration is very specific to self and also sometimes the phase you are in too. For insrances when young and tending to a offspring, I was ok to extend and commit to things which he needed more than mine and didnt find that to be a strech as intend was to provide and nuture. But when those commitments faded, and more time could be yours, there still was a confusion as to how to use this “me-time” without guilt and without much of self judegement. Added to this others would have an opinion on “how-to” of it, which bothered as well. Ofcourse after quite a struggle and shrugging all of it and carved some great time for self. Always there is still a lot to improve and implement.
A thought just popped instead of being all the above dependent, why not consider others associations as bonuses. So may be if they are there its great otherwise you just dont essentially miss them. Not an easy proposition, but something to be executed. 2025 here I come, a new resolution in the bucket.
