2 decades of waiting
I recently heard one of the famous actors on the Indian screen — Thilothama Shome about ageism and body shaming which she went through while striving in the industry. This was part of the promotion they did for the Lust Stories 2 which showcases her as a voyeurist.
Definitely, the content that we have right now, makes these tendencies acceptable and a part of the general conversation without cringe. Growing up we all just knew of two flowers colliding on screen and a kid bowling after that. There were many takeaways from what all the three eminent participants had to say about working women and being in the industry which is tailored for women who are fair-skinned and have a particular body type.
I was more moved by the fact that Shome, had to wait almost 2 decades to do roles that are meaty and as she says which challenged her. She emphasized being in her 40s and doing well in a career. I was just drawing some parallels with my journey as a professional with what she might have encountered. In my 20s there were too many tasks at hand as a young professional, and wasn't wise enough to focus on professional growth as such or get the balancing act of doing it all. We are conditioned to progress from a professional course to land a job, it has to be just a job in a software firm. There was no guidance or knowledge to look for something which as an individual you resonate with. Most of us continue to do the same for the sake of societal pressure and of course the money. Only some of us break away from this grind and try doing not the usual routine of
professional course → Profession in software —> Marriage —> Kid →raise the kid —>( forget yourself in between all of this )— -continue the grind, till a stalling point.
Very rarely have I seen in my journey in corporates and startups that we could find professionals who are females having it all. Either they are faking it all or are miserable after having it all. Always there is a sense of lack that lingers in maybe both professional and personal fronts. In my case, I maximized myself on the family front and was just sufficient on the professional front in my 30s and 20s. When I look back I was using all my energies to be more present and useful in raising the kid. That means there were times when I was perceived to be lacking interest in projects at work, majorly because of the time limitations you pose on yourself to be available at home. This makes the others in the ecosystem label you as not driven, non-ambitious, and much more, these are victim labels. There are others with negative connotations, such as being self-centered, not available for family, or an achiever with not-so-great vibes to it. Both sides exist, you can choose not to be bothered by these labels and continue as a horse with a side blinkers on. A bit of a tough journey that male-dominated and mostly insensitive employers may not emphasize.
By the time you are 40s most of the offspring raising is done with and you need a fair ground to start or restart. Hardly there would be any considerations of this resume as the major time of the last two decades was spent on activities that actually honed my multitasking skills and focus, but cannot be quoted.
